Always Worth It

It can go either way. Sometimes when I read it, I feel encouraged, emboldened and even a little proud of myself. Yeah, that's me! Yup, I do that. Boom! Preach on Solomon! ...... Other times, it's a real gut punch and causes me to want to just slither under the covers in shame or regret. Ooooh, that's me. Ugh, I did that. Come on Solomon, cut a man some slack....

The book of proverbs is quite a mirror. A mirror that reflected back to me today an image I didn't like to see. While I read a few verses daily, today's caught me off guard. Something that generally speaking, I feel pretty good when I filter my life through it. But today I read it and my mind took off like a courtroom slide show of the times over my life - some more recently than I'd like to admit - where I am simply guilty. And all of them, I look back on in regret.

"Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back." (Proverbs 29: 11) 

Here's the most painful part of this for me. Almost all of these memories have happened with people who are closest to me. People who trust me, count on me and love me. I said things I simply wish never came out, in a way that I wish I didn’t. Calling out a missed expectation, addressing a behavior I didn't appreciate, expressing a frustration, reacting to something I should have let blow over or dealt with later when my brain returned from orbit.

Thankfully, in most of those cases also, the relationship grew from the moment, but the scars are still there as a reminder. The growth occurred when I could humble myself enough to say I'm sorry. I didn't handle that well. Will you forgive me. Usually not an immediate emotional reaction, but an intentional response after the dust settled and went back to the person to take a look at the wound I created and clean it up a bit together. That's what love does. The next right thing.

I've had a few moments like this with God. Still am. Where an unanswered prayer, unexpected event or a deviation from my master plan occurred. He could have easily flicked me off the page, but instead he turned it to a new chapter. That's what grace does. That's leaving me better for the encounter.

Anybody you feel you need to call? Any moments come to mind that are still left untended to? Any open wounds that need the humble healing of an apology? Any areas that love, forgiveness and grace haven't visited in a while? Growth hurts sometimes. Authentic unselfish love can be hard. Grace is always worth it.

I've got a few calls to make.....